No, not this one, although it is pretty sweet.

Yes, this one.

Good luck translating that one. I’m off to the Russian Federation in 72 hours. I’ll send you a postcard. Nyet.

It took exactly 24 hours to get from my hotel in Shanghai to my apartment in Boston on Monday. Our trip took us through Tokyo and lovely Detroit, where we spent an hour on the runway before taking off for home. I took roughly 1,000 pictures during the trip, which included stops in Beijing, Xian and Hong Kong. It will probably take a week or so for the other jokers to get me their pictures and to pull together a complete photo album here on the site. In the meantime, here’s a little teaser and a brief synopsis of what went down…

First, if you’re thinking of going to China, don’t go in July. The temperature barely dipped below 85 at night and we had a couple of days with highs well over 100. Add in the humidity and the massive amounts of pollution, and this is the kind of view you’re going to see out of your window every morning…

Cool looking, yes. Hazardous to your health, most definitely.

The locals love seeing westerners, especially when they find out you’re from America. That’s because most of them want your money. But some of them are just wide-eyed and excited over seeing Americans in the flesh, especially blond-haired, blue-eyed ones. They’ll pose with you, take your picture like you’re a celebrity, and even throw their babies at you…

Traffic is insanely chaotic. I can’t even begin to explain it. Do not rent a car here, do not ride a bike here, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

They love McDonald’s (where Mac the Night is still hawking burgers), KFC, and Pizza Hut. And for some reason, Pizza Hut is a pirate-themed establishment (see hostess below).

The Great Wall can only be appreciated in person. This picture is at Mutianyu outside of Beijing.

Mount Hua outside of Xian is amazing, but be prepared to sweat about 20 gallons during the hike to the peak, a steep climb of over 6,000 feet.

And finally, watch out for brain eating devil birds.

I waaaaant the kniiiiiiiiife….. pleeeease

Just got back from a long weekend in Colorado, of which I spent roughly 72 hours enjoying potent potables and 3 hours snowboarding. Thanks to a brutal tumble at the top of the mountain, I busted my ankle midway through day one and spent the rest of the weekend icing my injury and sipping JD.

Thanks to my injury, and the pneumonia/flu that knocked out 3 other guys, this trip was pretty tame with few interesting tales to share or scandalous pictures to spread around the web. Just a couple of salient points need to be made, however:

1. Gordon now firmly believes that he’s the world’s best skier, world’s best snowboarder, and People’s Sexiest Man Alive.
2. The only two black men on the mountain were in our group, although we’re not quite sure if Charles counts anymore. His parents are from Africa and I guess that’s not good enough to be considered black these days. We’re going to have to consult with Obama on this one. I don’t have the answer. We’re pretty sure Robinson is black, though. However, every time a black guy appeared in any movie we watched during the weekend, he thought it was Wesley Snipes. So Robinson is suspect, too.

I do have just a few pics to share, starting with this little gem from the “world famous” Wooden Nickel Saloon. Click for a larger view of the specialty drinks menu. I have no idea what a Goombay is, let alone a Goombay Smash – the first drink on the list – but the third drink on the list speaks for itself, and sounds scrumptrulescent. The other photo is included, well, just because.

The following two photos are part of a photo essay Buchs is compiling about his cousin (cousin by marriage; he asked that I stress this point with great vigor). The title of the photo essay is called “Proof”. Draw whatever meaning from this you wish. As it is intended as art, the viewer’s interpretation is as important to the piece as the content itself. It’s proof alright.

Finally, a couple of shots of the Cosmic Cruiser. I’ve never seen a truck for transporting sled dogs and I never would have imagined it would look like this: each dog confined to it’s own depressing cell with a hole big enough to stick its head out. They look like they’re being punished for witchcraft in 18th century New England. Why hasn’t this revolution in mass transport trickled down into the school bus industry yet?

The hirrs are arive, with the sound of engrish…

Call it Engrish, call it Chinglish, it’s endlessly fascinating and incredibly entertaining. Here are all the links you need to get you up to speed. I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it.

[engrish - a photoset on Flickr]
[engrish.com]
[my photo album from Japan: Engrish everywhere]

Not to be Nipocentric…
[Flickr: The Chinglish Pool]

Deck the harrs with berrs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra