Mormons Gone Wild
On January 30th, the Reid boys went wild in the Philly ‘burbs. While Big Red was away, the little Reids went out to play. First, Garrett, 23, blew through a speed trap and, before the cops were able to catch up to pull him over, he plowed through a red light and t-boned another car, sending the 55-year old female driver to the hospital. And guess what else folks? He was doped up on heroin at the time!
In a completely unrelated incident, on the same day no less, his younger brother, Britt, 21, pointed a gun at another guy during a bout of drug-fueled road rage. (Are the boys getting a bulk discount from the same dealer?) This other guy managed to get Britt’s license plate and describe the gun to the police. Upon serving a search warrant, cops found a shotgun, ammo, “white residue”, and the aforementioned handgun. Garrett only faces misdemeanors somehow, while Britt is facing a slew of felony charges.
It took over a week, but the news finally went national after it dominated the front and back of both the Inquirer and the Daily News all of last week: Andy Reid has reportedly taken a leave of absence. I have a sneaking suspicion this is the first step toward a resignation. I see Big Red taking his family into seclusion for a few years, getting counseling with church elders, then coming out in the end 100% heterosexual and eventually finding new employment somewhere with a reduced media spotlight, like, say, Arizona, where football careers go to die.
When I asked my brother what he thought would happen if Reid quit, he summed it up pretty well: “Maybe we’ll get a coach that actually calls running plays and knows how to manage the clock in the final two minutes of a playoff game.” I guess you could say we won’t be broken up over it.